don't know where,
don't know when.
But I know we'll meet again some sunny day."
-Vera Lynn
Hello friends, I've missed you all.
How have you been since the last time we talked? I hope you're doing well. A lot has changed in the interim, but I haven't forgotten about you. I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye but a lot has changed for me. I lost two people who were very important to me in very different ways in the past year, and each one changed my desire to continue on with this.
In 2016, the year of endless loss, my mother succumbed to her terminal illness. It hurt so badly with all the space and time in the world, I'll never be able to put it to words. It crippled me emotionally and spiritually, not only losing my mother but having to let her pass with things being so complicated between us. I became a shell, and I'm still a shell in a lot of ways. Alcoholism runs in my family and my mother was never comfortable with me drinking as a result. So when I moved back to Georgia to take care of her, I gave up beer. and with giving up beer, I gave up writing about beer. I gave up writing all together. I tried a few times, but nothing of substance came out, just generic drivel fit only for a buzzfeed listicle.
In 2017 I lost one of the most inspirational people to have come into my life. Josh Fonner, creator of Macabre productions, host of Untitled Nonsense, and a creative juggernaut, passed after struggling to breathe. The only reason I'm not dead or in jail is the kindness and understanding of my friends, and while we had our dustups, I respected Josh in a way that was unparalleled. The man could stand no bullshit, made no excuses for executing his dreams. This blog, this whole endeavor wouldn't exist if he hadn't invited me on his podcast. Josh showed me what was possible when you don't let anyone take a piece of your dream, what's possible when you take all the bullshit life can lay on you and throw it right back.
As I was standing in a church in Florida in a room full of strangers eulogizing a man i only knew through the internet, I had a low level panic attack. After patching things up, Josh and I had made plans to resume co-hosting UN together. All I had to do was find time to do it, but I kept putting it off. Why was I letting life bury me in its bullshit? Why had I let the day to day keep me from speaking my peace?
The words of my friend hung in my head stayed in my head, why had I quit?. Was I going to keep just sleepwalking through life, or was I going to say enough was enough and start punching back?
In 2017 I lost one of the most inspirational people to have come into my life. Josh Fonner, creator of Macabre productions, host of Untitled Nonsense, and a creative juggernaut, passed after struggling to breathe. The only reason I'm not dead or in jail is the kindness and understanding of my friends, and while we had our dustups, I respected Josh in a way that was unparalleled. The man could stand no bullshit, made no excuses for executing his dreams. This blog, this whole endeavor wouldn't exist if he hadn't invited me on his podcast. Josh showed me what was possible when you don't let anyone take a piece of your dream, what's possible when you take all the bullshit life can lay on you and throw it right back.
As I was standing in a church in Florida in a room full of strangers eulogizing a man i only knew through the internet, I had a low level panic attack. After patching things up, Josh and I had made plans to resume co-hosting UN together. All I had to do was find time to do it, but I kept putting it off. Why was I letting life bury me in its bullshit? Why had I let the day to day keep me from speaking my peace?
The words of my friend hung in my head stayed in my head, why had I quit?. Was I going to keep just sleepwalking through life, or was I going to say enough was enough and start punching back?
Well I can't promise I'll give you something worthwhile, but for what it's worth I'm back if you'll have me. Like a father who stepped out for smokes and then never returned, I realize I've hurt your trust. I wouldn't begrudge any of you if you never returned or read anything I wrote again.
But I'm here, and I'm ready to make up for lost time.
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